Computer Jokes go here

[Nerseus]

Well, I dont expect many posts in this topic, but here we go. Post any computer related jokes here - Ill start!

Why are computer programmers so bad at remembering holidays? Because:
OCT 31 = DEC 25

If youre outside the US, Halloween is October 31 and Christmas is December 25. Hopefully the rest wont need explaining.

-ner

 

[Rick_Fla]

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Lets catch a cab and in ten minutes well reach our destination."

The computer programmer said: "We have here the drivers guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."

The computer operator said: "First of all, lets turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

 

[Rick_Fla]

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. Ive got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the cars braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

 

[Rick_Fla]

BTW, Christmas is Dec 25th. Unless I am slow and missed the joke. This is the one I saw:

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

 

[Rick_Fla]

Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3

 

[Nerseus]

Dern you, Rick! I had a typo, its now fixed.

 

[Rick_Fla]

Software Development Cycle

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 arent really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didnt work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...

 

[PlausiblyDamp]

Why did the computer programmer die in the shower?
The directions said: Shampoo, rinse, repeat.